Thursday, March 18, 2010

The all elusive answer

I was looking out of the window staring into the beautiful nothingness of space, gleaming under the brilliant rays of the bright sun. I was suddenly reminded of this corner in my old room which is actually very dark, lit only by a bright patch of sunlight that peeks into the room. The patch of light always seemed to enjoy its space with tiny dust particles dancing with joy in the backdrop, expressing their happiness and gratitude to the bright patch of light for helping them “come into light”. The tiny space that this patch of light occupied was sometimes taken by shadows of clothing hung outside, birds that once in a while perched on the railing in the balcony. With its space under threat, the bright patch of sunlight struggled to take back what rightfully was ‘its space’. Sometimes whenever the wind blew the clothes swayed and their shadows occupied the space of the ‘bright patch’ and at times it was the shadow of the birds chirping and singing. And then I used to wonder “was the space that this tiny bright patch of sunlight occupied illusory or real?, because whenever a dark shadow was cast on the bright patch it was only the projection of physical objects outside, then why was this patch of light struggling and fighting so much for its space?” I never got a reasonable answer or explanation to my inquiry... until...

Staring as I was... at nothing... my attention was soon to be awoken by the voices of children playing in the park that was visible from the window. It belonged to the school located within our community. The park had an enlightened lush green look on the outside! It had just rained and the brilliant rays of sun seemed to form a halo around it... was such a pretty sight indeed! The park scene looked prettier from my window with exuberant children making those hard to ignore shrill noises with their youthful voices. Their laughter was addictive like the smell of earth after those rains. I at times went for a stroll in the park for fresh air, but mostly for a smoke. Whatever it was, that park always refreshed my being. Well my times at the park could be seen as high points in my life during those mundane and boring days.
At that time it was surprising to say the least because I had never before seen so many children in that park. For sure I knew that the school had a small intake of students and even smaller attendance every day, but that day was something I couldn’t fathom with the large assembly of children in the park. I walked down the stairs of my house and slipped just as I was about to get down from the last step. I was soaking wet, but nothing happened. In the past, I had broken bones when I got involved in fist fights with friends or foe, or just while playing cricket or football. That day you could call me lucky because I was not getting any younger and my bones were getting brittle by the day.

I stepped out of my house and walked right into the park. I had no time to look at the surreal beauty of nature that surrounded me. I was far too curious to know what was going on in the park. It seemed like children were registering themselves for some kind of event. I pitied them as I felt they were being brainwashed into joining the event; the thing as a child is that we are all prone to being brainwashed into walking the path of the herd, what we call ‘peer pressure’ starts from our childhood and it follows into our adolescence, then into adulthood and finally into old age. I looked closely into the registration form that was being filled by one of the kids. I did not ask him lest I should scare him away... I had not shaved for months now and with terribly curled up long hair the kid would certainly get scared... However, the kid himself spoke up “hello bro...” he said... I was taken aback, hello bro??? I heaved a sigh of relief and felt nice that he did not call me uncle (or something to that effect!) but was nevertheless thrown into a state of shock by the generation gap... hello bro??? I smiled at him, doing my best to control my laughter. Hi! I said to him “What’s your name bro? I asked, giving him a friendly nudge... “I am Andhakaar bro! I know it’s a weird name but that’s what I got from my intelligent parents”. “It’s a nice name Andhakaar.” I said trying to pacify the already agitated kid. “How old are you?” “I am 13” he said. So what brings you and your bros here buddy? “Hmm...” Trying to recollect something, he said “Nothing much bro, we are just enrolling ourselves for the football coaching camp which starts tomorrow. If you are also enrolling for this bro, beware! We play really tough and rough game so bring your shin-guards and all other guards that can guard your vital body parts!” “No buddy just came to watch what was going on here.” I was silently pleased with myself that kids of today showed so much love for the beautiful game “Joga Bonito” as they call it. I myself love the game and so I empathised with the kid’s passion for the game. Ahhhhh...

I heard a painful cry... it seemed like that of a child. I heard the cry but could not find the person who was crying. People standing around were equally perplexed. I wanted to get to the bottom of this and find out the truth. I patiently looked around and at last I found a child almost the same age of the exuberant Andhakaar, whom I had met earlier. This child was crying and the cry was so painful that it pierced my very being and sent a cold-shiver down my spine. In my experiences with life I have never felt, seen or heard anything more painful than the ‘cry of the child’. Then I realised; the emotional person that I was, I would end up getting into a soup if I did something to help the kid. Nevertheless I asked his name. He said his name was Ujjwal. “What are you doing out here Ujjwal? Where is your mother?” I asked him... He said “I have no mother or father. Never seen them...” After sometime he said “but I love playing football. I too want to enrol for this camp. Can you help me?” He asked... with the tears rolling down the cheeks, becoming one with the mucous from his nose. The cold-shiver became more piercing... I asked myself what I should do. I knew I was an emotional person; however emotions are hardly a matter of consequence in the modern world. Nevertheless I listened to my heart. I got him enrolled for the football camp and the gleam in his eyes were enough to tell me why everyone, everything, every being is always struggling to survive, trying to look for its space in this oceanic existence.

As I walked towards home, I kept thinking about that tiny bright patch of light trying to struggle its way out, into the space that it truly deserves and whether its fight for existence was nothing short of what Ujjwal was going through in his life... I can never really answer whether the space that we are fighting for is real or simply an illusion. It is all about accepting things the way they are and letting the sun illuminate that patch of darkness in our lives rather than defy or go against them. The least that I can do is extend my hand into that helping space.
I could not help but imagine that patch of light at that moment. That patch of light “a ray of hope” for us; this walk of life is hard but one who fights will have his rights, I said to myself.